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Guiding your child through emotions

   Childhood is a time of strong emotions and reactions especially during times of great growth. This can appear as a child who seems to be crying over everything, needs constant carrying, pushing more boundaries,or is having stronger outbursts than usual. Children do not need to be punished for their emotions but shown empathy and guidance.


                                                           


How to be your child's Guide
 Model emotional regulation
 We model emotional regulation to our children when we use our words to communicate what we want or need in a calm voice. We respond to their outbursts like they are a normal part of their development (deep breath, it is) instead of reacting with our own outburst. 

Observation
Practice sitting in one spot for 10 minutes to 20+ a day and watch your child. Try to see them as objectively as possible. Process their actions without using feeling words,adjectives, or any subjective terms. Just use nouns and verbs, when we purely see our child without projections we can better understand their behavior and thought process.

Give your child words for their emotions
When your child is crying, tell them what they are doing and connect a feeling to the actions. You are crying, breathing fast, and your face is frowning it looks like you are sad. 

Clarify their emotions
"Are you sad because I am going outside?"
This shows them yes I do understand what you are saying, young children can become frustrated when their communication fails.

 Emphasize while still keeping limit
" You wanted to climb on the couch and I did not let you, I can see why that made you frustrated you really wanted to do it!" Offering comforting touch and words when your child seeks with their eye contact or body language.

Be aware of hungry, sleep, thirst, activity level, and connection level
Emotional reactions are most extreme when these needs are not met.
Most children need to eat every 3-4 hours
Liquids offered at mealtimes and water available in between
See here for the average awake time for children
Try balancing each active activity with a calm activity
Find time to connect, it does not be special but at least few minutes where your child has your total attention

Keep a routine if possible
You do not need a schedule based on time but flow of the day your child can rely on that keeps in mind needs in the point above.

Slow down your pace and communicate what's happening
Try settling for each task for 10-15 minutes sometimes moving around to often can unsettle children. If you need to do laundry try sitting on the floor with your child and let them explore the clothes while you put it away or give them a cloth to wipe the coffee table too. If you need them to play in their area sit ,interact, or observe for 10 minutes before going to your task. Always let them know what is happening " I am going to go wash the dishes and will be back when I am done","I am going to set you down now", "I am going to pass you to __", or "I am going to change your diaper".

 Make time for bonding
 Times for one on one bonding is best during the necessary parts of the day so you always make time for them. These parts are eating, sleep routine, diaper changes, and cleaning (best if started once child is imitating you). Try to give your child your total attention and make it enjoyable (sing, talk, listen, and play).

 Be aware of your own anxiety/stress level
Doing the above will not work if you are stressed. Take a deep breath if you are stressed, leave your child in a safe place if needed, and make time for small self care activities through the day. Know you are providing only age appropriate challenges and modeling the importance of emotional health. 




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