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If NO is not an allowed answer, do not ask.



     Once children realizes they are their own person close to the age of 2 years old they will begin to assert their wants paired with  the new emotions of pride, embarrassment, and shame . NO, is a very popular word and if we are going to raise children that will change the world we need to encourage them to say No. Parents worry when they hear this word or when their sweet baby is defiant. defiant behavior is a sign of brain development and even a developmental milestone, see here.

     The truth is defiant behavior is necessary and beneficial to your baby but the reality is you and your baby's feelings are both important as is society's. 

How do you get through this time while keeping a strong parent-child relationship, a socially competent, and an emotionally secure child? Set up your baby for success and do not trap them with trick questions.

What is a trick question?
Do you want to go to the grocery store?
Can you put on your shoes?
Do you want to clean up your toys?
Why don't you share with...?
Can you stop running?


Why are these trick questions?
These are trick questions because the answer " no" is not preferred and will either cause frustration to the adult or the adult to then try different tricks or punishment.


What do I ask instead?
1.Give notice
Ex : We will be leaving to the grocery store in 5 minutes.
2. Choices, ideally two as three is too abstract
Ex. It is time to put on your shoes, do you want to put them on or do you want to me to?
3. Questions where no is allowed
Ex. Do you like this doll?
Ex. Do you want to pick out an item to bring with us 
Ex. Was that exciting? 
4. Statements, said in your normal voice
Ex. I want you to walk. 

Note
Children want to do the things we want to do, the best way to show them a clean home is important is to do it together. If the adult does not want to pick up the toys, the child will not either. 



& if they still do not cooperate?

 Ask yourself is this really necessary and be honest.

If it is, say in a normal, voice say...

"I see you do not want to go to the grocery store, I am going to pick you up now", then gently pick them up. 

"Thank you, for showing me you need help putting your shoes on. I am going to put them on for you." Then do it calmly asking for cooperation ( Can I see your right foot, thank you)

"Thank you for showing me you need help walking, I am going to pick you up/ hold your hand now." 

By doing this you are allowing your child the freedom of expressing their natural brain development. You are setting boundaries and guiding them through social problem solving. 





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